...and I got bored, so I snagged this from

WARNING: Crack pairings ahoy!

First, write down the names of 12 characters of your choice. Then read and answer the questions. You can't look at the questions until you write down the 12 characters you're going to use. Otherwise where would the fun be?

1. Albert Wesker
2. Chris Redfield
3. Claire Redfield
4. Leon Kennedy
5. William Birkin
6. Lisa Trevor
7. Sergei Vladimir
8. Ricardo Irving
9. Alexia Ashford
10. Alfred Ashford
11. Sheva Alomar
12. Jill Valentine


Have you ever read a six (Lisa)/Eleven (Sheva) fic? Do you want to?
No I have not, but now my morbid curiosity has been aroused. Dammit.

Do you think 4 (Leon) is hot? How hot?
Yeah, definitely. Fangirl-slaying hot. I, however, prefer his RE 2 incarnation. In 4 he's just a little too pretty for my taste. *dodges bricks*

What would happen if Twelve (Jill) got Eight (Irving) pregnant?
Wait...what...? Shouldn't it be the other way around? I can imagine Jill being goody-goody enough to stick with him for the baby's sake. Irving might be distressed over that fact. Also, Wesker would probably want to study the poor man.

Can you read any fic(s) about Nine (Alexia)?
Sure, but only if they involve Wesker somehow. Besides, there aren't many and I can only think of one or two that's really well written.

Would Two (Chris) and Six (Lisa) be a good couple?
I guess I can see Lisa stalking him (when she's not busy stalking Wesker), and maybe a little one-sided crush on her part, but Chris wouldn't feel anything more than pity or disgust for her. Besides, she's too old for him .

Five (Birkin)/Nine (Alexia) or Five (Birkin)/Ten (Alfred).
...oh god, they're both Ashfords...Birkin/Alfred would be slightly more plausible, given he's not the direct focus of Will's hatred and jealousy.

Actually now that I think about it, you might pull Birkin/Alfred off if you make it so the real reason Birkin hates Alexia so much is that he's jealous of Alfred's affection for her. But for that fic Alfred would have to be 12 at the time and that alone makes me want to run away screaming.

What would happen if Seven (Sergei) walked in on Two (Chris) and Twelve (Jill) in bed together?
He would take advantage of the moment to try and kill or kidnap them. Poor Chris and Jill can never catch a break.

Make up a summary for a Three (Claire)/Ten (Alfred) fic.
...why does this keep happening to me.

*ahem* Claire gets more than she bargained for when she disguises herself as Alexia in order to sneak answers out of Alfred. What is she to do when she begins developing feelings for the neurotic blond?

(yeah right, like that would ever happen)

Is there any such thing as One (Wesker)/Eight (Irving) fluff?
Not that I know of, but I'll bet it would be hilarious. Mentally scarring, but hilarious.

Suggest a title for a Seven (Sergei)/Twelve (Jill) hurt/comfort fic.
"If you be the one to cut me, I'll bleed forever"

What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four (Leon) to deflower One (Wesker)?
I think mind control parasites would have to be involved. Also alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol.

Does anyone on your friends list read Seven (Sergei) slash?
I don't know if anyone on my friends list even likes Sergei. He's not very popular. I've yet to see him do more than cameo in a fic, so they'd have trouble finding slash for him even if it existed.

Does anyone on your friends list read Three (Claire) slash?
I think all the slash fans that I know are more interested in male/male. I could be wrong though.

Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven (Sheva)?
Probably.

Would anyone on your friends list write Two (Chris)/Four (Leon)/Five (Birkin)?
I have no idea. But heck, I'd read that just to see how someone would make it work.

What might Ten (Alfred) scream at a moment of great passion?
Oh, too easy. "Alexiaaaaaa!"

If you wrote a song-fic about Eight (Irving), which song would you choose?
Ugh, I would never write a song-fic. I hate song-fics. But I think something from The Music Man might be appropriate.

If you wrote a One (Wesker)/Six (Lisa)/Twelve (Jill) fic, what would the warnings be?
I'm guessing something went wrong during that boss battle...Tentacles, non-con, violence, crack. Excuse me now while I go bleach my brain.

What might be a good pick-up line for Two (Chris) to use on Ten (Alfred)?
Let's see, it would have to have something to do with Alfred's rifle and Chris's marksmanship.... "That'a a nice rifle you have there. Want to see how good I am with guns? *saucy wink*"

Alfred would respond with an indignant: "How dare you!" and would try to shoot him. He would miss.

When was the last time you read a fic about Five (Birkin)?
Not long, actually. A week or so.

What is Six's (Lisa) super-secret kink?
Um, bondage? No, too obvious...
...
Uniforms.

Would Eleven (Sheva) get in bed with Nine (Alexia)? Drunk or sober?
Only at really, incredibly, almost alcohol-poisoning level drunk. And then Alexia would accidentally catch her on fire.

If Three (Claire) and Seven (Sergei) get together, who tops?
Claire. Sergei is a masochist and he likes it when she treats him badly .
...I feel dirty now.

Fill in the numbers of this sentence with the names:
"1. (Wesker) and 9. (Alexia) are in a happy relationship until 9. (Alexia) suddenly runs off with 4. (Leon). 1. (Wesker), broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with 11. (Sheva) and a brief unhappy affair with 12. (Jill), then follows the wise advice of 5. (Birkin) and finds true love with 3. (Claire)."

Wow...given what could have gone wrong, I'm shocked at how almost-plausible this sounds. I mean, other than the whole Wesker actually having a heart and being involved in romantic relationships thing.

What title would you give this fic?

"Wesker sleeps with almost every female in the series." Oh no wait, that would be the summary..."Chris is gonna be pissed." That'll work.

Name three people on your friends list who might read it.
Any of the Wesker fans might be interested.

Name one person who should write it.
The only person who might pull it off with any semblance of ICness on Wesker's part would be Ornamental Nonsense from Fanfiction.net. She's done plausible Wesker/Claire before, she can do it again .

How would you feel if Seven (Sergei)/ Eight (Irving) was canon?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh god, that would be hilarious. I would not be able to stop laughing. What an odd couple.





Nothing makes one of these things interesting/traumatizing quite like throwing one of the monster characters in there. Maybe next time I'll use Nemesis.